After years of focusing on my tone, my style, my presentation, and my walk, I’m ready to embark on a new career. No longer a Unix jockey, at the desk, puzzling over patches and outages, but soon I will be a man of the world! Nedra’s Augie Bags have gotten some publicity in the Willy Week, and given the choice of several photos, the talented writer/editor/whoever chose me to ride atop the article. Good call, I say. Now I just need to line up an agent, so if any of you (and I’m sure there are hundreds poring over these words right now) are interested, drop an email and I’ll have my people contact you or yours. In the meantime, I’ll be constructing a runway to fine tune this well-oiled machine in the art of prancing above glaze-eyed admirers.
I am now accepting submissions for a viable stage name. Something that really conveys my inner beauty, so that my onlookers might bask not only in my outer magnificence, but in the warm brilliance of my soul. The winning submission in the comments can receive an autographed copy of my picture in the Willamette Week. Since this is a one-of-a-kind bestowment, you cannot look to ebay for fair market value, but I’m sure that the value is self-evident, either monetary or an heirloom to be treasured by your family and passed on to future generations.