Portland now has a roller derby team. The Rose City Rollers. Well, we’ve actually got four teams. And they’ve been around for a year or two. But Saturday night marked their first real competition. I’ve been going to their fundraisers since the beginning, and harassing my buddy D-Day about having an actual competition. I was having my doubts that it would ever happen. It did. Oh my, did it happen. That shyte went off. I was fortunate to have my ticket ahead of time, so I was able to skip the 1/4-mile long line that was slow as a 3-wheeled skate on molasses. My friends had to wait, and got like the last three tickets available. 800 people behind them were turned away. Anyway, it rocked. D-Day skates for the Heartless Heathers, and they looked pretty solid. Unfortunately they were playing against a stacked deck. The Guns ‘n Rollers were obviously the pet team of the league and had many ringers. And twice the number of skaters.
The whole thing was awesome though. The skaters kicked ass. They wore themed skimpy things, and Budweiser knows how cool it is for hot ladies in skimpy things to kick the crap out of each other. Now add roller skates and tattoos. I’m not going to go into every detail of the event. Or even very many at all. But I want to send props to Goody 2 Skates and November Pain for just kicking ass. November Pain was like lighning and Goody 2 Skates sailed through the pack like John Cusack racing for Demi’s kids and Odie’s honor. Itzo Easy was pretty rabid as well. And Vominatrix picked it up (and then dropped ’em later…her undies she ended up in were emblazoned “EAT SHIT”. Oh, it was so beautiful. We had a great time, sitting right up front in the danger zone, getting sticker. I didn’t get a beer though. The line was miserable, hardly moving, and everyone ahead of us let their friends in (sorry, I don’t play that one), so after about 20 minutes we’d moved like 5 feet. PBR…if you’re gonna sponsor this kind of thing, throw down some taps as well.
For the fun run at this, I’m quite impressed. Great job everyone, and I’m looking forward to the next one. Please please please make beer attainable. cheers!